Thoughts

Note:

This post will be a "vent" of sorts. It will be random as I am just going to let me thoughts be typed as they come.

End of note.

Tomorrow is the big day, I have my first day at the job. I know I should be excited that God has a job for me but I feel uneasy to say the least. I'm not excited about this job. I have an interview for a different job tomorrow morning. It's with Hoosier Park which is also in Anderson. It would be graveyard shift...yay raaaa, NOT. This just bites.

The devil or something is pulling at me and I don't like it one bit. I can't seem to get into the Word any and praying is very difficult. I think that the devil has a hard hold of me because he knows the Lord is planning something big for me. I'm tired of being the devil's puppet. Church is doing the one month to live challenge and I feel it will be life changing. I'm in a small group of other single moms and its nice to have a group of others that are in the same stage of life I'm currently in.

In the introduction which is the first day, the book asks what are five things you'd change without thinking too long or hard if you knew you had a month to live. Mine were get into the Word and actually read it, spend more time playing with little man, changing my "thought" language, less time sleeping and eating and more time doing things, and living a life Christ would love.

I'm struggling with thoughts of the past like crazy. I don't want the past but the devil and my mind keep wanting me to think I do. So not cool.

With the job situation, I feel like maybe I should start a home daycare. It would be for second shift parents because there are very few of those available to the world. I feel at ease when I think about starting this, like maybe God has put this on my heart. I would get to be home with little man and make a difference in other children's lives. Be that positive influence they so need. Its something to think and pray about for sure.

Life. It is not easy. I know no one ever said it would be easy but wow.

I am going to limit my computer time so I can spend more time being productive and spending time with little man.

I have the interview tomorrow morning at seven. I have to be up early and get little man to my mom's so she can watch him. Bed here I come

J-O-B

I HAVE A JOB!!!!

God is so good :-) He always pulls through. It may not be the best job in the world but at least I will have some income coming in. And I feel very at ease about it all.

Thank you Lord!

Pickles & Grace

I'm in a pickle. Not a real pickle...those are just gross! I have an interview tomorrow for a job. I NEED a job very badly but this one is second shift and weekends. I have brought the matter to God and He did help me get to my first interview even when I was dragging. I will be taking the job if it is offered. Especially since it will be the first job I've been offered since I started looking. I need to just stop worrying about that and give it all to the big man upstairs.

On a much happier note, church on Sunday was INCREDIBLE!!! I honestly felt God for the first time in a long while. I know God wants me to be at Park Chapel and that is such a great feeling. I attended Starting Point, which is the getting to know PC class. It was great to hear all about what they believe and WHY! I like to know why so that was great. I believe with all my heart and soul God has put me there for a reason. Big things are gonna happen.

The message was the last of our Heart of God series. It had to do with the prodigal son story in Luke. Danny really hit us hard with a message from God about being prideful and acting like the "older brother." I cried because God had placed on my heart some things about my past. I know with His grace I will be able to overcome it but it is going to take time and healing.

My bestest friend, Abby, let me borrow some of her books. One was Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. Honestly one of the most amazing books I've ever read in my life! I know God has someone out there for me who is going to love me unconditionally. I will be second to God of course! That is important.

You know how they (not sure who "they" are :-p) say a relationship is like a triangle...God at the top and the man and woman on the bottom ends. Well I never really fully grasped that until I read Francine's book. God is to be above all else, even a boyfriend or husband. I cannot wait to have that sort of relationship with a man where God makes us truly one. At MOPS I see women that have that kind of relationships with their husbands and it gives me hope :-)

At first the thought of being single for (at least) a year was daunting. I know God has put it on my heart to do so but still it felt hard and scary. Now I'm actually greatly looking forward to it! Don't get me wrong, I love to love with a man but if I ever want to have the relationship God has planned I need to get my life right with Him. He is the only one who completely understands everything I've gone through and been in. I know it will take great time and healing for me to get over my past but with His grace anything can happen!

I am struggling with getting into His Word. I don't know why its so hard. I love to read and I know there are incredible stories and lessons to learn from in the bible but I'm struggling with that. If you are reading this and know a good way to help get into the word, please share!

I am off to bed so I can get some rest before my interview tomorrow.

good night all

Just because I can :-)

I just feel like posting pictures about us

last morning being prego

holding my baby for the first time

just an adorable picture of him less than a week old

the bib says it all!

little man's first Christmas

brown and blue ... can't go wrong!

big eyes!

little thug ;-)

first visit to Mozzi's!

grrrrrrr! Beware of the grass monster!

little man's footprint

my stud

looooooong boy

he loves to read already

he gets his big eyes from his momma

YAY!!!! His first birthday

our nativity scene for Christmas time

plaid is so his color!

driving his car he got from papa and granny nan for Christmas 2009

looks like he is taking a pic of himself :-)

his "thing" . . . sucks his thumb and plays with his hair

(unless mommy is holding him, then he plays with my hair)

didn't ya know toy boxes are awesome to sit in!?

AND plastic bowls make great hats!

Getting snow pictures with Aunt Abby

milk, it does a body good!

meal time is fun!

A Little History

This is me. I'm 22 years old. Brown hair. Green eyes. Glasses always. Five foot eight inches tall. I'm a mommy to a beautiful baby boy. Well he isn't so much a baby anymore but he will always be my baby. He is my little man. We live in a small town in a two bedroom house. Its only a few miles from my parents so they are close if we need them. Often I say we. I consider little man to be as much a part of the household as an adult. I tend to be VERY random...so if that sort of thing bothers you reading this blog may not be something you enjoy.

I had left my son's father for reasons I will not go into on this blog since it is public and such. We get along pretty good now. He has little man every other weekend. I don't like LM being gone but it does give me a break. I moved back home from LM's fathers this past summer. I was in a bad spot and my loving parents took us under their home. We had four generations and six people living under mom and dad's house for a few months...talk about craziness! Well LM and I got a house of our own and it is great being independent again.

At the end of October I decided I was ready to date again. Well I think I wasn't really thinking. It was impulse I believe. I went in head first. I've been known to do that but I thought I was okay. After a few months of being very serious in the relationship very quickly, I had a feeling it just wasn't right. Turns out it was God pulling on my heart. He was saying, "Child please listen. You need to get your relationship with Me before you jump in to a relationship with a man."

So that brings me here. God has made it pretty clear that I need to get my life together and have a relationship with him above all else, even little man. I'm going to stay single for at least a whole year. That is the decision He has lead me to. :-) It will be a great chance for me to grow friendships and my walk with Christ.

Thank you for taking the time to read and I look forward to blogging it up about this journey of faith.

My first blog

This shall be a test as I am just getting started.